Summer is nearly halfway over which means that school starts in a little over a month. Which means... I have to send my little boy to Kindergarten. Are you guys familiar with Edvard Munch's
The Scream? (or Kevin McAllister when he puts on aftershave in
Home Alone?) That's pretty much the expression I'm making in my mind over the thought of it...
I often hear people say that they wish they could stop time and keep their kids small forever. Let me just say that I am not one of those people. For me, I find each new stage more exciting than the last. I love that my kids are growing up. I will admit, it's going faster than I thought, but still... It seems like every day they surprise me with something new.
That being said, let's talk about Kindergarten. A couple of months ago, I
briefly got into Ollie's condition, Hemimegalencephaly. In addition to epilepsy, the condition has caused fine and gross motor delays, significant speech delays (but he's gaining ground at an exponential rate!), and slight social delays. Because of these delays, he qualified for this Birth to 3 (our state Early Intervention program), which has truly been the most incredible gift. Until he was three, we had therapists come to our home to work with Ollie. After his third birthday, he started attending an integrated Pre-K program at the elementary school with Early Childhood Special Educators.
So, it shouldn't feel so huge: Ollie has been at the Elementary School for nearly 2 and a half years now. And yet... Panic.
Until now, Ollie has been in a classroom with between 2 and 9 other children. His 1/2-day Pre-K fit nicely with his 1/2-day services (PT, OT, & Speech, all through the school) and those 9 other children either took the school van, like O, or were driven by a parent. It was small, safe and comfortable.
In Kindergarten, the kids are getting bigger. Ollie is catching up...but slowly, at his own pace... Most of the kids will take the bus. Ollie desperately wants to take the bus too, but I have decided (after several discussions with his teachers and therapists) that the safest thing for him
right now is to continue taking the van. This decision kills me- but, it would also kill me if we did let him ride the bus only to have him fall off the seat when the bus turned a corner, or get pushed down the stairs while getting off (stairs- especially big ones like on the bus- are still difficult for him). This doesn't mean he won't eventually get on the bus, though! We will continue to work on it. (In fact, just before school starts the town has a dry run so I intend to take Ollie to try it out.)
The thing about Ollie is, he has to work 10 times harder to keep up with everyone else...but he's never let it bother him. When we were in North Conway, we met so many other kids. Most of them were so accepting of both Ollie and Peyton, letting them join in their games... But one night, we went out to the campfire and a little boy was playing tetherball with his dad.
Ollie ran up and asked, "I pway?" The dad let Ollie take his place, which the little boy was not too happy about. They played for a bit, Ollie squealing with excitement and occasionally telling the boy, "Nice hit!"
At one point, Ollie asked, "Wass yo' name?"
"You talk weird!" the boy said.
"DAVID!" his parents yelled. We were all standing by watching them play.
"What?!" he said to his parents.
"David, we can understand him perfectly well!"
"I
said, "Ollie began, "wass yo' name?"
The boy looked at Ollie and slowly said, "I. don't. know. what. you're. saying!"
David's dad started to drag him away."David! Say you're sorry now!"
"It's okay," Ollie said. He really just wanted to keep playing. David's parents insisted and he finally muttered, "Sorry."
"Ollie," I said in a scary chipper voice, "just say, 'It's okay, I just have a little speech disability, no big deal!'"
The boys continued playing like nothing had happened, Ollie still squealing, David now scowling.
I have both worried about and expected a situation like this. I know how kids can be. As he gets older, it's natural that kids are going to be more curious and, I'm afraid, less tolerant of differences. I have tried to prepare myself as to how to react.
But really, it doesn't matter that I have expected this and it doesn't matter that I understand kids and it doesn't matter that Ollie was 100% unaffected by the entire thing... Because honestly, in the moment, there's no way to prepare for a situation where your child is being called out for being different.
I watched for a few minutes, a smile plastered to my face... and then I turned behind Jon and started quietly sobbing. David's mother came up and started to apologize, "I'm so sorry. We're having him tested. He's different too. He gets teased at school. Your son is so sweet."
"So is yours," I said. "Oliver is starting Kindergarten this year- it just gets harder as he gets older."
She understood. She had the same fears for her son. I kept wiping my eyes and saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
I had no resentment toward her or her son. He did, however, represent all of the mean kids of my nightmares as Ollie moves forward in school.
It's just so hard.
Right now, he doesn't get it or care. But someday he will. And him getting hurt, his spirit being broken... it'll kill me. So I guess Kindergarten is difficult for me to wrap my head around because- though I love that he's growing up and I adore each new stage- the other kids are growing up even faster.
I suppose all we can do is to teach Ollie how to stand up for himself if he needs to, and- more importantly- to understand how awesome and wonderful he is
just the way he is. Because I think if he knows that about himself, nobody can break his amazing spirit. (And if they try, I'll hurt them, the end.)
*****
In other news, Ollie lost his first tooth!
He was so excited that his wiggly tooth "broke" and we were so excited to put it in a pouch under his pillow that night. We also watched a few tooth fairy videos on YouTube, just so we were all clear as to what was going to happen that night.
You'd think that since the tooth had been wiggly for weeks, the tooth fairy would have gone to the bank and had some cash on hand, but she must be as spacey as Jon and me, because she ended up leaving the kid a $20 Target gift card... which he couldn't have been more excited about. (Honestly, Jon and I never use cash so I don't even know if Ollie would have been as excited about it :)
We still have a few precious weeks of summer left and even though the "Big Brown Truck" keeps coming to our house bringing things like new backpacks and lunchboxes and, of course, shoes, all reminding me that school is fast approaching, I'm trying to enjoy and appreciate these long, beautiful days with the kids before they move on to their next phases.
I hope you all are enjoying your summer as well! And if you have any advice for a panicked soon-to-be Kindergarten mama, it's always appreciated!
