weekend.

So... I've got these great pictures that I took of the kids over the weekend. 

 Saturday's adventure at the strawberry patch and Sunday at the Farmer's Market (which I had been looking forward to all week). Two beautiful days and two beautiful adventures. Or so it would seem. But be sure to read the end, k?

The Strawberry Patch

The Farmer's Market

I feel like I'm pretty honest with you guys, and in that spirit, I have to admit this: While it's true that a picture is worth a thousand words, sometimes those words can be a lie.

Sure, these pictures are true candids- I didn't ask the kids to smile or pose. There were some good parts- some really great parts, even- on each of our outings. It's just...  They don't show Oliver bolting off and demanding to go home every 2 minutes. They don't show Peyton whining and pouting. They don't show the baby crying so hard in the car that I started to cry. Or the kids fighting in line as we tried to pay for the strawberries. Or Jon & I losing our patience with the kids, or with each other.

The weekend, the in-betweens of these great moments that I caught, was rough.

I don't want to be a dark stormy cloud here- especially with so many pictures of beautiful blue skies to share- but I also don't want to come off like our life is as perfect as these pictures seem to suggest. I think that's a very easy thing to do on social media. Even today, I posted one of these pictures on Instagram with some comment like, "Farmer's Market in a Wagon a million exclamation points- heart- heart-heart." So I felt like I should come clean here. And since I'm coming clean, I'll tell you this too: 

I went to bed defeated last night. The kids' behavior over the weekend- which was a mix of wild, disrespectful, and at times downright nasty- put me in a low place, making me seriously question the job I'm doing as a mother. It's really depressing to feel like you're failing at a job that is so important. Really depressing. Being a parent is wonderful and amazing and incredible and {insert every shiny adjective here}... but it's also hard. And scary. And exhausting. 

I have no brilliant revelation here to share. I wish I did. All I have is this:

This morning I woke up. It was gloomy and raining-  nothing like the sunny, beautiful weekend. But when I woke up, it was a new day, and with it, a fresh chance to be a better mom. So there's that.

I'll let you know how it goes.