life without zoe

I just want to say thank you to all of our friends and family for your sweet messages, cards and phone calls last week. It was such a surprise to get so many and Jon and I were so incredibly touched. We were lucky enough to have a last week with Zoe after getting the news, so we were able to prepare a bit and really say goodbye to her.

Still, as you would imagine, losing her has not been easy. Being in our house was unbearable for the first few days. Now, it's better, but it still seems off. I'll admit, in a way it's much easier not having a dog... like, I now only have to vacuum once a week instead of twice a day, along with all of the other general responsibilities that go along with caring for a dog (especially a sick one). But I've realized that I considered Zoe a member of our family: if not quite a person, at the very least she was a personality (separate from being a dog) and that is who I miss so terribly. I miss her being at my feet the second I start to cook dinner, waiting for little food scrap offerings. I miss seeing her curled up in her little sun patch on the hardwood floor. I miss her greeting us at the door every time we come home. Mostly, I miss seeing her run around the yard with the kids while they laugh and laugh and laugh.

The kids are okay. Every once in a while they will bring her up: "Where's Zoe?" and "When Zoe gets better and comes home..." I read a couple of books and articles about talking to young children about death and allowing them to grieve. My instinct was to distract and redirect them, but the books strongly suggested using concrete terms (like "death" and "died") and allowing them to see you cry and grieve. It makes sense- if you tell them she was "put to sleep" they might think that they will disappear if they go to sleep. I made sure to say "vet" instead of "doctor" And while I often tell them how sad I am and how much I miss Zoe, the few times that they saw me cry was extremely upsetting to them (especially Peyton) so I've tried to explain that more than show them. But all in all, they are doing fine (even Ollie, who I was especially worried about) so I'm thankful for their resilience.

I'm sorry for the depressing collection of posts lately....but I suppose that's life- it's not always happy and wonderful, but we get through it and move on. I promise you,  I have happy and wonderful things to share in forthcoming posts!

So until then, here's a little collection of my favorite photos of my Zoe-Girl over the years: